I started tuning out at unfortunately because I knew what was coming. It couldn't be true. I feel too good.
I dutifully repeated the information to let my doctor know I had heard and understood what he had just said to me, to us,
"a secondary metastatic tumor.
The biopsy did not reveal the source of the primary tumor.
More tests would be necessary to find the primary source of cancer."
but I was saying the words from somewhere outside of my body. Somewhere removed, like a good student.
I had the feeling I see on my dogs face when we are at the vet.
Get met out of here. I gotta run away. Now!
I apologized to my husband. I tried to comfort him. To reassure him.
Denial is an amazing and weird thing.
I was so sure it was nothing.
Phone calls and texts to people close to me.
Vowing to fight it. Vowing to beat it.
BUT truthfully I'm scared and I dread this.
I don't want this to be happening.