"Unfortunately, you have Cancer."

I started tuning out at unfortunately because I knew what was coming. It couldn't be true. I feel too good.

I dutifully repeated the information to let my doctor know I had heard and understood what he had just said to me, to us,

"a secondary metastatic tumor.

The biopsy did not reveal the source of the primary tumor.

More tests would be necessary to find the primary source of cancer."

 but I was saying the words from somewhere outside of my body. Somewhere removed, like a good student.

I had the feeling I see on my dogs face when we are at the vet.

Get met out of here. I gotta run away. Now!

I apologized to my husband. I tried to comfort him. To reassure him.

Denial is an amazing and weird thing.

I was so sure it was nothing.

Phone calls and texts to people close to me.

Vowing to fight it. Vowing to beat it.

BUT truthfully I'm scared and I dread this.

I don't want this to be happening.

2 comments

  • Rosalinde Block
    Rosalinde Block NYC
    Sending you so much love during a veryveryveryvery tenuous time. Nothing more daunting than uncertainty. God bless you, Kati! xoRosalinde

    Sending you so much love during a veryveryveryvery tenuous time. Nothing more daunting than uncertainty. God bless you, Kati! xoRosalinde

  • Julie Hazen
    Julie Hazen NYC
    Sending you infinite love and healing prayers. Those of us dealing with this beast have our own unique journey but we are united. Stay strong Kati and know I am here for you. Love you, julie

    Sending you infinite love and healing prayers. Those of us dealing with this beast have our own unique journey but we are united. Stay strong Kati and know I am here for you.
    Love you, julie

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