tag:katimacmusic.com,2005:/blogs/diagnosis-cancer-in-the-time-of-covid-19?p=2Diagnosis Cancer in the time of Covid 192023-10-19T07:05:36-04:00Kati Macfalsetag:katimacmusic.com,2005:Post/67098112021-08-07T11:22:55-04:002023-12-10T13:41:47-05:00The Bell Of Hope<p style="text-align: center;"><span class="font_regular"><strong>I rang the Bell of Hope on June 3rd. The day of my last Opdivo infusion. for metastatic Melanoma. </strong></span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span class="font_regular"><strong>Since then, I have been too busy to write this final blog about my journey dealing with/healing Cancer. </strong></span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span class="font_regular"><strong>How wonderful. I am one of the lucky ones. I feel grateful every day. Life is precious.</strong></span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span class="font_regular"><strong>Being diagnosed with cancer is a vulnerable, scary experience. </strong></span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span class="font_regular"><strong>I am humbled and so grateful for all the people who helped me.</strong></span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span class="font_regular"><strong>I hired the best melanoma Oncologist, Dr. Anna Pavlick who set up a great team, including my surgeon Dr. Erica Friedman. I loved the staff at NYU. Everyone was professional and so nice.I would highly recommend NYU.</strong></span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span class="font_regular"><strong>I learned so much about nutrition, stress and kindness. And the importance of having a spiritual practice.</strong></span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span class="font_regular"><strong>The healing cancer program by Chris Wark was terrific. www.chrisbeatcancer.com</strong></span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span class="font_regular"><strong>The love and kindness I experienced from so many people created a deep, visceral feeling of healing. </strong></span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span class="font_regular"><strong>The talk with my fellow singers Janie and Diane gave me strength and hope to go through surgery and treatment.</strong></span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span class="font_regular"><strong>I worked with a hypnotherapist named Althea Lockwood. I couldn't have gotten through this with out her.</strong></span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span class="font_regular"><strong>http://www.universalintelligence.info/</strong></span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span class="font_regular"><strong>I'm not really surprised I developed Cancer.</strong></span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span class="font_regular"><strong>Years of stress, hurt, loss, and disappointment had left a deep wound inside of me. </strong></span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span class="font_regular"><strong>I indulged in unhealthy behaviors. All under the specter of genetics. </strong></span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span class="font_regular"><strong>An Irish fair skinned gal with a history of sunburns.</strong></span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span class="font_regular"><strong>Cancer taught me</strong></span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span class="font_regular"><strong> to slow down, remove toxic people, places and things and really take care of myself.</strong></span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span class="font_regular"><strong>I learned to LOVE and APPRECIATE MYSELF.</strong></span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span class="font_regular"><strong>Don't take on other people's "issues" shall I say. </strong></span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span class="font_regular"><strong>And pray like mad that the treatment works.</strong></span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span class="font_regular"><strong>The SGI members who had been through cancer Really helped me. Thank you Chance, Shunzo and Kwon.</strong></span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span class="font_regular"><strong>My high school friend, Marc, who is an oncologist, was very supportive. Our chats really helped stabilize me when the fear got overwhelming. That was an amazing gift. A huge comfort.</strong></span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span class="font_regular"><strong>And my husband, Tim, who drove me to every appointment and took every step of this journey with me.</strong></span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span class="font_regular"><strong>His love and support was the bedrock and soft place for me to recover.</strong></span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span class="font_regular"><strong>I feel healed. I feel free.</strong></span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span class="font_regular"><strong>Thank You!</strong></span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span class="font_regular"><strong>My go to place in my mind during any biopsy, mri, ct scan, recovery from surgery and treatment, was Trail Ridge Road in The Rocky Mountains. </strong></span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span class="font_regular"><strong>I am in The Rocky Mountains, on Trail Ridge Road right now!</strong></span></p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>Kati Mactag:katimacmusic.com,2005:Post/66242362021-05-07T11:11:34-04:002023-12-10T13:41:48-05:00One Year Cancer Free Today!<p><span class="font_large">"You're cancer free, Kathi" my surgeon said. I was waking up from surgery, groggy but aware of the recent assault on my body, as if from a distance. Gotta admit, the pain stepped in front of the awesome news that I was cancer free because of the surgery.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I learned about being totally helpless those four days at NYU Perlmutter Cancer Center. Being a private person, it was overwhelming at times. But, the care I received was excellent. I am grateful to the nurses who were so kind and attentive. I highly recommend NYU to anyone on the journey of healing cancer.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large"> One year later, today, I am still cancer free! </span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">The power of that statement lands deeply in me every day.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I still have one more immune therapy treatment in June.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">There's life before cancer and there's life after cancer.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I planned my trip to the Rockies, the 5 National Parks of Utah and The Grand Canyon for August.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I'm buying the air tickets today. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">Thank you Dr. Pavlick, Dr. Friedman, Dr. Gold, Dr. Sheth, the pathologist at MSK and Putnam Hospital, Dr. Marc Demers, Dr.Paul Finger. All the nurses, all my family and friends. And most of all, my husband Tim.</span></p>
<p> </p>Kati Mactag:katimacmusic.com,2005:Post/65711972021-03-11T16:31:46-05:002023-12-10T11:57:29-05:00Cancer: My Greatest Teacher<p><span class="font_large"><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/64559/03258ed1a7b43ec2fe09ffa1b503ab302f567b8b/original/img-0627.jpg/!!/b:W10=.jpg" class="size_l justify_center border_" />A year ago, right about now, I stood up and felt a pain at the top of my left leg. I felt two lumps. My heart sank. I knew something wasn't right. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">And so it began, my journey down Cancer Road.It has been quite a trip. I didn't want to take it. I'm still on it. I still have have three more months of treatment.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">But in retrospect, it was one of the best things that ever happened to me. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">The surgery and the Immuno-therapy are working. My scans came back cancer free last week.I am on a plant based diet, juice everyday and take supplements like D3, B12, Beta Glucan Morenga, etc</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">But its the inner work that has turned me into a very happy person, despite all the noise and discord surrounding all of us.I am grateful for the illness and all the people who helped me and are still helping me, not only to survive but to thrive.</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p><span class="font_large">Apology to My body </span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">KM </span></p>
<p><span class="font_regular">I hated you </span></p>
<p><span class="font_regular">You were never enough </span></p>
<p><span class="font_regular">Not tall enough </span></p>
<p><span class="font_regular">Not pretty enough </span></p>
<p><span class="font_regular">Not thin enough </span></p>
<p><span class="font_regular">Ever </span></p>
<p><span class="font_regular">I abused you </span></p>
<p><span class="font_regular">with cigarettes, </span></p>
<p><span class="font_regular"> drugs, </span></p>
<p><span class="font_regular">alcohol </span></p>
<p><span class="font_regular">food </span></p>
<p><span class="font_regular">and stress! </span></p>
<p><span class="font_regular">OMG Stress! </span></p>
<p><span class="font_regular">Toxic people, places and things, </span></p>
<p><span class="font_regular">Giving them power to hurt you. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_regular">Unkind people, places, and things </span></p>
<p><span class="font_regular">Whose mean spirited behavior had nothing to do with </span></p>
<p><span class="font_regular">your worth and value. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_regular">You took it all until you couldn’t take it anymore. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_regular">Until you collapsed under the weight, allowing cancer to grow. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_regular">It took my journey down Cancer Road to make me wake up. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_regular">To make me realize </span></p>
<p><span class="font_regular">Just how magnificent you are. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_regular">How perfect you are as you are. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_regular">To make me grateful for you and all the wonderful adventures we have experienced. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_regular">Grateful for the ALL the experiences yet to come. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_regular">My amazing vehicle of 37.2 trillion cells. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_regular">My Rolls Royce, Mercedes Benz, Jaguar, Ferrari, Aston Martin </span></p>
<p><span class="font_regular">Taking me wherever I want to go all these years. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_regular">I promise to cherish and care for you all the days we have left </span></p>
<p><span class="font_regular">on this miraculous planet. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_regular">We are getting through this. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_regular">We are cancer free. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_regular">Now and forever. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_regular">Thank You. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_regular">Rocky Mountains here we come.</span></p>Kati Mactag:katimacmusic.com,2005:Post/65681142021-03-08T13:04:19-05:002022-05-22T10:54:16-04:00All Clear<p>My third set of scans came back Cancer free! Whew! <br>The stress of having regular scans to check for any new recurrence has demanded I develop a mental agility and inner strength to navigate myself through it. <br>They are easily blown away like an umbrella in a hurricane. <br>I feel so much compassion for everyone recovering from Cancer. <br>Hypno-therapy and chanting are the tools I use to steady myself. </p>
<p>www..sgi.com</p>Kati Mactag:katimacmusic.com,2005:Post/65545232021-02-20T23:02:49-05:002023-12-10T12:00:22-05:00Cancer Road: Our Broken Health Care System<p><span class="font_large">Our Broken Health Care System</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I get a denial letter every time my Dr. asks for any treatment needed for Cancer. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_large"><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/64559/cbdd64b7ce2aee3d7d430620f584f729394ef9ea/original/denial-letter-for-opdivo.jpg/!!/b:W10=.jpg" class="size_l justify_center border_" />I have learned to not react to these letters. My doctors office has to submit these requests several times before they are approved. That includes the surgery I had last spring. I recently had to spend hours fighting a reversal of approval for a part of the surgery which involved moving a muscle to cover exposed blood vessels. The insurance company didn't think it was necessary. My surgeon did but the insurance company did not. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">When I showed up for my Opdivo infusion in January, I was turned away because the insurance company didn't approve it. My doctor's office blamed the insurance company. The insurance company blamed the doctors office. I was left angry and frustrated. Exactly what I don't want as a person trying to heal from Cancer. Later that afternoon, I was called and it was approved. After I was made physically and mentally distraught. My husband had to miss work to take me to get the infusion.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">The unprofessional behavior and poor communication in the scheduling of scans and treatments is shocking. My experience and observation is that there are so many sick people, the doctors are overwhelmed. Like the medical corporations they work for don't hire enough doctors or staff to properly handle the work load. It's nuts. It is deeply upsetting. My innocence and naivety about what it is is to be a sick person in the US has been shattered. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">The constant struggle with the insurance companies is ridiculously time consuming. I don't feel cared for. The insurance company won't let me see my original oncologist anymore because she moved to a different hospital and because I don't live in an area that includes that new hospital. Certain cancer hospitals, like Memorial Sloan Kettering, only take corporate group insurance so, someone like myself with an individual policy can not get treatment there. It's all about the money they can bring in. Not the person with cancer trying to get help.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large"> My new oncologist hadn't bothered to say hello or check in on me since October, though I asked her to, through her staff many times, and she was often mere feet away while I was getting treatment. Talk about feeling like a number and not a person. I finally had to complain. Now I will be seen every month by my new oncologist. But, why should it have to come to that? If we had a health care system that worked, the doctor would set a course and it would be followed. I would hope there would be quality care that involved knowing the patient at least a little. The patient load is way beyond what anyone could handle in a way that makes someone with cancer feel like they matter, like they are being truly cared for.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">The health insurance industry makes billions of dollars every year. This is why we don't have health care for all. ANY politician who says we can't afford it is full of sh-- and most likely beholden to the financial contributions made to their campaign. I know people in Canada and England and their health care is fine. I don't believe or buy in to the people who say public health care is not good. If America is the greatest country in the world, well then, we can make sure our public health care is great. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">There is one reason for all of this:</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">GREED.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">The well being of people is not the bottom line. Money is.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I pay taxes and have done so for a long time. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I want health care, education, social security and other basic things, like roads etc. And yes, programs for the indigent.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">My wanting these things in exchange for my tax money does not mean I am a socialist. It means I'm practical. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">And while Empire Blue Cross Blue shield might not consider my monthly Opdivo treatment as "medically necessary", the oncologists I've spoken to say without it I would most likely be dead in three years.</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>Kati Mactag:katimacmusic.com,2005:Post/64767272020-11-13T09:53:04-05:002022-12-08T05:27:25-05:00A Hard Days Night<p><span class="font_large">It's magical when you fall so in love that it directs the course of your life.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large"><strong>The Beatles.</strong></span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I first heard The Beatles on The Ed Sullivan show. My sister somehow got my mother's permission to wake me up and let me watch it with she and my brother.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">When I first saw "A Hard Days Night", I was already obsessed with The Beatles music. I knew I was a singer.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">The madcap, ultra cool vibe of the movie THRILLED me! It's still one of my go to, make me feel better, movies.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I am watching it this morning, Still in LOVE with The Beatles, preparing to get immunotherapy today.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I get very anxious on treatment day.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I am lucky. The drug Opdivo i get once a month has minor side effects. Nothing I can't handle. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">But, I still get anxious, hoping I'm not one of the people who it starts to mess up their organs. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">ie make me diabetic for the rest of my life.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">You know, the fast side effect disclaimers on all the pharma commercials. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">Watching any drug commercial, Tim and I would say to each other, Why would anyone risk all that? </span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I know why now.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I do have a weird reaction when getting it, so it requires mild sedation. I worry about that before I go.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">Also, the reality of going to the infusion suite, seeing the other patients, some very sick, is hard not to take in.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">What am I doing here? There must be a mistake.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">It makes me want to run out the door.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I still consider myself VERY LUCKY. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">Through all this, I can still sing.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">BUT, every step of the way has been a FIGHT with my insurance company. They deny every treatment, every scan, every test before they say yes.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I've learned to not read their first letters because I would spend my days very pissed off and upset if I did. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">The people controlling a patient's medical needs is the insurance company, not the doctor. My doctor, her staff, usually has to spend time fighting for me. Ridiculous!</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">This month my insurance company, Fidellis "Care", is telling me I can't see my oncologist anymore because when she switched jobs, she left their network.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">It's a funny thing about getting Cancer, I have attached to my oncologist like my life depends on it. Like she is my special ops rescuer and I don't want to leave her side, even though I'm doing great. It is not rational. I know there are other great oncologists, but I trust my doctor and I don't want to leave her in mid treatment. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">So, I will go through the hassle of trying to find coverage that her new hospital accepts and that I can afford next week. And the hassle of trying to get another oncologist to order my scans etc for the remaining 6 weeks of my health insurance coverage for 2020.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">Every month is a struggle to get what I am told I need to fight this cancer. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">IT SUCKS.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">That we don't have universal, 'single payer" health care in the US is infuriating. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">That anyone who is sick has to go through this emotional nightmare is disgusting. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">If other countries can figure it out, so can we. Any offer of doing a combo health plan is just letting these companies </span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">keep their big foot in the door. It's pure greed on the part of the insurance companies, big pharma and the </span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">politicians. ALL OF THEM. If you don't think so, WAKE UP. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">Your health is NOT the priority. Their profit is.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">This doesn't make me a socialist. I would like my taxes to go to providing quality health care for All US citizens. Not just people who can afford a large monthly insurance bill.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I despair over the fact that we, American Citizens, actually disagree over this. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">Warning, don't get sick in the U.S. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">Back to 'A Hard Days Night".</span></p>
<p>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TWbiVqlSMgc</p>
<p> </p>Kati Mactag:katimacmusic.com,2005:Post/64379522020-09-19T01:49:43-04:002023-12-10T14:29:48-05:00Firsts<p><span class="font_large"><strong>First Scans All clear! No Cancer! Whew Hoo! </strong></span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I did the scans on Monday and got the results on Thursday.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">Talk about Thy will be done. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I applied for the WTC 911 victim fund for people who lived in the area and got cancer. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I joined Gilda's club.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large"><strong>I can't believe I did all these things. I can't believe I had to do them.</strong></span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I would hear about these things for people with Cancer and think how heavy. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I never dreamed it would ever apply to me.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I am grateful for all these things.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I am grateful to my Doctors : Dr. Anna Pavlick and Dr. Erica Friedman.</span></p>Kati Mactag:katimacmusic.com,2005:Post/64118582020-08-18T03:35:55-04:002023-12-10T11:52:45-05:00Eva Cassidy<p><span class="font_large">I had heard her sing before and knew she was good. This past weekend my brother in law Jerry played me a few of her songs and I was really blown away. I heard she died young. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I had treatment today. An infusion of Opdivo, an immunotherapy wonder drug. I am lucky. I've been told had I been diagnosed with Melanoma as little as ten years ago, it would have been a death sentence. Honestly, shocking to think if I didn't step in front of this with medical help and lifestyle changes, this would be the beginning of the end of my life. I don't feel old or remotely ready. The infusion only lasts 30 minutes. Last time, I had a reaction so I was scared. A new hospital, too. They are starting to lightly sedate me with liquid Benadryl. I sleep and get the infusion. I know it is so much easier than chemo. I won't loose my hair or look like death warmed over. But it is still scary because of the possible side effects. It's stressful.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I bravely say I'm gonna fly through this like some people do. I'm not gonna have any of those symptoms or reactions.But I had a few things happen after surgery that make me realize It could happen to me. I'm not really in control here. What if I do get the negative side effects? says the quiet voice in my head.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">SO I chant, and eat a vegan diet, exercise and use step three, "Made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understood him"</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">But it was a stressful day and I can't sleep. So I looked up Eva Cassidy. I listened to her beautiful recordings and was so moved by her voice and inspired by her performances.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">Then I looked up about her life and death. She was diagnosed with melanoma in 1993. She had surgery but unfortunately, the cancer came back and killed her in November of 1996. She was 33.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large"> It stopped me in my tracks. I had melanoma. That is what I am fighting now, in case there are microscopic cells lurking somewhere. I really felt for her. She loved to sing and write, just like me. She was active in music in the 80's and 90's just like me. I can't imagine missing out on all those years of life and making music. Very, very sad.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">Truly the worlds loss, too. She was an amazing talent.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">Thy will not mine be done. But, God I hope all this works and extends my time here on earth.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large"><span class="font_large">Eva Cassidy https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kGnfqRR509M</span></span></p>Kati Mactag:katimacmusic.com,2005:Post/64001472020-08-02T16:00:52-04:002023-12-10T13:59:17-05:00My Post Op Journey Hello Sit Ups <p>I started doing them again. First time since surgery in May.</p>
<p>Fantastic! I've never appreciated or enjoyed them this much!</p>
<p>https://www.wikihow.com/Do-Sit-Ups (lol)</p>
<p><strong>Rebounder mini trampoline</strong></p>
<p>So good for your lymph system and so much fun!</p>
<p>https://www.hsn.com/products/urban-rebounder-trampoline-wresistance-kit-and-5-workou/9537436?sz=3&sf=HF0185&ac=&utm_source=bing&utm_medium=shopping%20engine&utm_term=&utm_campaign=Bshopping%7CM%7CGeneric%7CHealth%20%26%20Fitness&utm_content=1309518491685021_pla-4585444528344672_9537436</p>
<p>https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=Rebounder&docid=608046641892101179&mid=6F5B15C635FFEBA9B4476F5B15C635FFEBA9B447&view=detail&FORM=VIRE</p>
<p><strong>Yoga</strong></p>
<p>As I begin to workout again after surgery one of the best things I have done is join Namastream.com</p>
<p>https://app.namastream.com</p>
<p><strong>Bike Riding</strong></p>
<p>Get those legs going. Focus.</p>
<p><strong>Swimming</strong></p>
<p>Great workout without the stress on your back or knees.</p>
<p>It feels great to move and reclaim my body.</p>
<p>I let stress take me off the path of healthy diet and exercise about 20 years ago.</p>
<p>Diet and physical activity are listed as the number two possible contributors to cancer.</p>
<p>https://www.cancer.org/cancer/cancer-causes.html</p>
<p><strong>Good news:</strong></p>
<p>This is all stuff I can control.</p>
<p>My life is my responsibility.</p>
<p>(Don't get me started on toxic relationships.The main one being with myself.)</p>
<p>I read this often:</p>
<p>"Just one week after he graduated from Yale Law School, while he was training for the 2008 Beijing Olympic Games, Seun Adebiyi was diagnosed with lymphoma and leukemia. This forced him to put his Olympic dreams on the back burner as he rethought his life plans. </p>
<p>Adebiyi knows all about mental toughness and resilience. After experiencing firsthand the difficulty of finding stem cell donors (the odds of finding a genetically compatible donor is less than 17 percent for those of African descent, compared to 70 percent for Caucasians), Seun took it upon himself to found Nigeria's first national bone marrow registry--the second ever in Africa. </p>
<p>And Adebiyi did eventually participate in the Olympics, carrying the torch for Nigeria in the 2018 Winter Olympic Games. Today, Adebiyi is cancer-free, and he made the decision to become an entrepreneur. He's currently a self-employed, freelance attorney with InCloudCounsel, a legal technology company that automates and enhances high-volume legal processes. </p>
<p>Here, according to Seun Adebiyi, are five ways to develop unbeatable mental toughness. </p>
<p>1. Never confuse who you are with what you do. </p>
<p>The most common mistake people make is to confuse their self-worth with their accomplishments. Says Adebiyi, "I remember when I first missed the Olympics--fracturing my spine from overtraining just months before the 2000 Games. It was my first major setback as an athlete, and I completely crumbled mentally--all because I had made the mistake of tying my self-worth to my sense of accomplishment." In reality, nothing could be further from the truth. </p>
<p>2. Master your inner dialogue. </p>
<p>What you say to yourself matters more than what the entire world together says about you. When he was fighting leukemia with intensive chemo and full body radiation, Adebiyi refused to wear a hospital gown. Instead, he wore workout sweats and did walking lunges up and down the linoleum hospital floors, pushing his surgically attached IV pole next to him. Says Adebiyi, "Doctors and nurses looked at me like I was crazy, but I never accepted their perspective that I was a 'cancer patient.' In my mind, I was an Olympic hopeful who just happened to be overcoming cancer." </p>
<p>3. Learn to live in the moment. </p>
<p>Let's face it--sometimes life just kicks you in the teeth. Trying to avoid suffering is like trying to cross the Atlantic in a rowboat without getting wet. When the storms of life start tossing you around like a toy, you need an anchor--something you can cling to when all seems hopeless. According to Adebiyi, "That anchor was my breath. I just focused on surviving from breath to breath, and repeated the following words over and over like a mantra: 'This too shall pass.'" </p>
<p>4. Fortify your village, then build a moat. </p>
<p>In many African countries, there's a popular saying, "It takes a village to raise a child." This is true in life as well. Learn to pick your associates carefully. Find those handful of people who will support you no matter what, invest your time and energy in strengthening those relationships. As Adebiyi explains, you may also need to distance yourself from the toxic people in your life who tear down your self-confidence. "This might involve some painful conversations, spending less time on social media, and ending a few relationships," says Adebiyi. "But trust me, it's virtually impossible to master your inner dialogue and develop inner resilience with someone whispering doubts in your ear." </p>
<p>5. Be prepared, be prepared, be prepared. </p>
<p>As someone once said, never let a good crisis go to waste. Often, the biggest opportunities for personal and professional growth are found in times of upheaval and uncertainty. The time to "hurricane-proof" your life isn't when the shingles start to fly off the roof, but when the sky is still blue and sunny. Suggests Adebiyi, "Work on your self-image, inner dialogue, present moment awareness, and key relationships now. It doesn't take much: You can practice visualization/meditation every day, affirm your key relationships, and minimize negative influences with just a few minutes each day." </p>
<p>And when life comes knocking, you'll be ready to rock". </p>
<p>New song:</p>
<p>https://soundcloud.com/soundqs/best-day-ever-final-mix</p>Kati Mactag:katimacmusic.com,2005:Post/63620162020-06-22T07:34:29-04:002022-12-06T05:55:16-05:00The Serenity Prayer<p><span class="font_large">God grant me the Serenity to</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">Accept the things I cannot change.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">The Courage to change the things I can.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">And the Wisdom to know the difference.</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p><span class="font_large">The Serenity prayer is one of the most important tools I've ever learned. It is a north star during troubling times.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">A guide to help me know where I am and what I can do to get to where I want to be.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I cannot change that I developed cancer.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I can change how I eat, how I live, how I think, what and who I allow in my life.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">My body is amazing! It heals it self. But it also needs a little help sometimes and that's where western medicine comes in.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I start Immunotherapy today. One half hour, once a month, for a year.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">It is supposed to be GREAT! A real game changer for people with Melanoma.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">There are possible side effects but many people don't experience them.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I am gonna be one of those people.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I'm scared but am trying to change my thoughts about it and welcome this as the necessary help I need to kill any remaining cancer cells.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">We all know how the story ends but if I can get a few more chapters, I'll be grateful.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">Here we go.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">One Day at Time.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">This is a song on my WOW, I wish I Wrote That, list!</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">https://video.search.yahoo.com/yhs/search?fr=yhs-Lkry-SF01&hsimp=yhs-SF01&hspart=Lkry&p=I+hope+you+dance+youtube#id=0&vid=53ae4ba7a678a6198256280cc2d7175f&action=click</span></p>Kati Mactag:katimacmusic.com,2005:Post/63490492020-06-10T16:28:21-04:002021-08-13T12:59:54-04:00"Knock Knock." "Whose there?" "Mortality."<p><span class="font_large">"What the. ...?" Eyes wide. Jaw dropping.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">"Sorry but, You have the wrong person." I say sternly.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">"Are you Kathi McGunnigle?" it asks, glancing at a tattered scroll.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">"Yes." I respond hesitantly.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">"You're on the list." It says, kindly, looking me in the eyes.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">"Listen, you are really early. I wasn't expecting you for 20 or 30 years.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I think there's been a mistake. I'm too young and I feel really healthy."</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">Looking down at the list, looking back up at me, it shrugs it's shoulders.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">There is an awkward pause.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large"><strong>"NO, I AM NOT GOING WITH YOU! I HAVE WAY TOO MUCH TO DO.</strong></span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I still have songs to write and sing!</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I have a young dog to raise! </span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">My husband and I haven't been to Greece or the Rockies yet!</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I want to meet Paul McCartney!" </span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">There is another awkward pause.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">"Ok." it says. I'll swing back around later."</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large"><strong>Here's where I run to an Oncologist.</strong></span><span class="font_large">( NYU Dr. Anna Pavlick </span>https://nyulangone.org/doctors/1255332839/anna-c-pavlick<span class="font_large">)</span></p>
<p><strong><span class="font_large">Here's where I change everything.</span></strong></p>
<p><span class="font_large">Now after surgery,(thank you Dr. Erica B Friedman) I start Immunotherapy.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">No chemo. No radiation. (Yay)</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">My part.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I am committing to a raw diet for the next 90 days, at least.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I've been told developing cancer isn't my fault BUT I think you are what you eat. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I want my body to be inhospitable to cancer so I will flood it with cancer fighting veggies </span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">https://www.chrisbeatcancer.com</span>/</p>
<p><span class="font_large">and step up my spiritual practice of SGI Buddhism. www.sgi.org.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">Maybe it's me just wanting a little control. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I have nothing to loose and everything to gain.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">This is my blog about my experience with Metastatic Melanoma.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">It is meant to help others and myself go through this journey together.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">The support and kindness of everyone has meant <strong>EVERYTHING</strong> to me.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">So strange to be going through this deeply personal health crisis while Covid 19 exploded and the tragedy of </span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">George Floyd's senseless murder and subsequent uprising. I wish I could go to the protests. I am there in spirit.</span></p>
<p>https://youtu.be/oy6m22zYki8</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>Kati Mactag:katimacmusic.com,2005:Post/63361402020-05-30T13:43:48-04:002023-12-10T11:43:37-05:00The World Outside What Would Gandhi Do?<p><span class="font_large">I have had to limit my exposure to the world outside because I need to heal.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">But some things slip though. Somethings, I can not turn from as much as I would like to not know.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">Words can not adequately express my sadness and disgust over the recent murder of, yet another African American, George Floyd.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">My heart goes out to his family and all African Americans who live with this awful, ugly racist environment in the United States. I despair over the cruelty of some human beings. I feel a wave of shame to be white and an American. But, who I am is not the color of my skin. I am the contents of my heart.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">Why are these racist idiots allowed on the police force? I am so glad people have taken to the streets. I'm a practicing Buddhist and I would like to eliminate ALL violence BUT I can't help but think Maybe the violence will catch their attention and demand a change in who is hired to be a police person. But I sure don't want to see innocent business people or bystanders hurt. I am with everyone on the streets in spirit. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">But then I chant </span></p>
<p><strong><span class="font_large">Nam Myho Renge Kyo</span></strong></p>
<p><span class="font_large">www.sgi.org</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">and think</span></p>
<p><strong><span class="font_large">What Would Buddha Do?</span></strong></p>
<p><strong><span class="font_large"><strong>What Would Jesus Do?</strong></span></strong></p>
<p><strong><span class="font_large">What would Gandhi Do?</span></strong></p>
<p><strong><span class="font_large">What Would Martin Luther King do?</span></strong></p>
<p><span class="font_large"><strong>What Would Nelson Mandela Do?</strong></span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">If they changed unacceptable racist behaviors and environments through non violence, so can we.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large"><strong><em>But we need to rise up and demand change.</em></strong> </span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">They will not give it to us.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">We need to unite. For real.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I love my Buddhist practice because it includes and values EVERYONE.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">www.sgi.org</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I am going to enjoy this beautiful day in my garden, with my husband and my pets, </span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">so grateful for my health and my life, but with a very heavy heart.</span></p>
<h2> </h2>Kati Mactag:katimacmusic.com,2005:Post/63233032020-05-20T01:52:21-04:002022-04-16T06:00:36-04:00Surgery and post op recovery: “The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” ― Rumi.<p><span class="font_large">I was too overwhelmed to write.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">It all went well but <strong>OMG, it is heavy. It hurts.</strong></span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">The first two days all I did, all I Could do, was pray and let people care for me in ways I've never done before.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">Lets just say All self sufficiency and privacy went out the window. My nurses were so kind. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_large"><strong>Their names are:</strong></span></p>
<p><span class="font_large"><strong>Maryl, Shawn, Alisa, Austin and Valerie. THANK YOU. </strong></span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I went home after 4 days. It was tough. I had to go the the ER the second night because I had developed blood clots in my arm where the IV had been inserted.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">It's all getting better, day by day.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large"> But, wow. Surgery goes first on my<span class="font_regular"> </span><strong>Never again please</strong></span><span class="font_regular">, </span><span class="font_large">list.</span></p>Kati Mactag:katimacmusic.com,2005:Post/63224622020-05-20T01:24:28-04:002021-11-17T20:18:38-05:00The Waves Of Love The Winds Of Change<p><span class="font_large"><strong>The Waves Of Love</strong></span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">The outpouring of love and help since my diagnosis has been very uplifting and beautiful.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">Old friends, new friends, family and strangers. I can never thank you all enough.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I can and will pay it forward.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">Life is a 'we" program.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">Just when I was questioning whether I had made any meaningful bonds during my life, getting cancer showed me that I did and that I was loved.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">Truly amazing. So helpful for healing.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I thought what I went through last year, helping my special needs dog, Loki, was the most powerful experience of human kindness I had ever known.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">But, now, my experience with cancer and the people who have helped me is on par with that and even more intense because it is saving my life.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">And, making re-evaluate <em><strong><span style="color:null;">EVERYTHING.</span></strong></em></span></p>
<p><span class="font_large"><strong>The Winds Of Change</strong></span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">My date with cancer was on the books for a long time.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">My doctor says it is the result of sun damage from childhood.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">But humans are complex beings. We are physical, mental/emotional and spiritual.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I think there is more to my developing this dis-ease.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I think I had a big hand in creating an environment that allowed the cancer to flourish.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">Poor reaction to Stress</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">Allowing toxic relationships to stay in my life</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">Bad Diet</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">Not enough exercise</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large"><strong>Fighting to Live</strong></span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I am using traditional oncology doctors and immunothereapy</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">PLUS</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large"><strong>Hypnotherapy </strong>with Althea at Universal Intelligence</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">https://www.facebook.com/althealock/</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large"><strong>A plant based diet </strong></span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I'm following Chris Wark at</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">https://www.chrisbeatcancer.com/</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">and Caren Hartglass at</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">https://responsibleeatingandliving.com/</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I was a vegetarian for many, many years. Recently I changed to a meat filled Keto diet that I loved and lost a lot of weight on.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">But I can't help but wonder if it wasn't the final brick that crushed my failing immune system, allowing the cancer to proliferate.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large"><strong>SGI Buddhist </strong> Chant Nam Myho Renge Kyo</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">https://video.search.yahoo.com/yhs/search?fr=yhs-Lkry-SF01&hsimp=yhs-SF01&hspart=Lkry&p=nam+myho+renge+kyo#id=1&vid=97520e0b3460a14277f1e144b3900af5&action=click</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large"><strong>Not On My Watch</strong></span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I was surprised how easy it was to get overwhelmed by the stress of life and to collapse into bad health.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">BUT,</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I will never let this happen again. Any of it.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">Not the bad health habits as a way to numb out stress or toxic relationships.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">My health, physical, emotional and spiritual, is my responsibility.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">And there is plenty I can do to make it better.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I am not a victim.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">Detach with love or with a hatchet.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">Just let go of bad vibe situations and people. Quickly.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I don't have to fix it, figure it out or rise above.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large"><strong>I only have to save myself.</strong></span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">See The Buddha nature in everyone. Forgive everyone, everything.</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p><span class="font_large">This is my mentor and beloved friend Nona Hendryx's song</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">"The Winds Of Change".</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I was lucky enough to sing on the first recording.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">II think it is one of the BEST SONGS Ever written.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">https://video.search.yahoo.com/yhs/search?fr=yhs-Lkry-SF01&hsimp=yhs-SF01&hspart=Lkry&p=NONA+HENDRYX+Winds+Of+Change#id=3&vid=d5c9913695980e95fe3a0c43b895b823&action=view</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>Kati Mactag:katimacmusic.com,2005:Post/63073782020-05-06T22:28:10-04:002023-12-10T11:53:22-05:00Ready Set Go!<p><span class="font_large">Dr. Erica Friedman will be doing surgery tomorrow morning on my left leg to get rid of the melanoma that has unfortunately spread to my lymph.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I'll be glad when this poison is out of my body.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">Thanks to Everyone who has showered me with love and support.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I am ready for battle!</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">Check out our version of "Lean On Me" and I Won't Back Down"</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">www.soundqs.com</span></p>Kati Mactag:katimacmusic.com,2005:Post/63026892020-05-02T13:47:02-04:002020-10-19T03:51:55-04:00Girl Crush Girl Power!<p><span class="font_large">Gril Crush : When one is blown away by how AWESOME a gal is! Nothing romantic.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I have two Girl Crushes!</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">1 My new Oncologist Dr. Anna Pavlick She found my primary melanoma! She is sooo smart, very funny and LOVES dogs! She is going to save my life!</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">She is a total ROCK STAR!</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">2 My Oncology Surgeon, Dr Erica Friedman She is very, very smart, very comforting and is gonna get this cancer out of my body. She is gonna save my life.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">She is a total ROCK STAR!</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">Wow, am I lucky to have found them. They are like friends and sisters on steroids. I feel so grateful to them both and to my friend Dr. Paul Finger who introduced me to Dr. Pavlick.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">Driving back home after I first met Dr. Pavlick, I felt hope for the first time since this nightmare started. My amazing hypno therapist, Althea, told me to look for signs. (She could also be a girl crush) I saw two graffiti signs in the most difficult of places, on a bridge, on the top of a building, that said ANNA!</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">(I actually experience this weird kind of seeing their name thing EVERY TIME I consider adopting a dog!) Honestly. But that is another post.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">The universe is guiding me and letting me know I'm in the right place.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">My surgery is set for this coming Thursday May 7th. My favorite day.</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>Kati Mactag:katimacmusic.com,2005:Post/62964662020-04-27T21:04:40-04:002022-02-07T13:47:26-05:00Poison Into Medicine Hope<p><span class="font_large">SGI President Ikeda states: Buddhism teaches the principle of changing poison into medicine. Therefore, no matter what difficulties we may encounter, we can take them on with a positive attitude. All we have to do is keep pressing forward with deep confidence in the Daishonin’s words, “When great evil occurs, great good follows” https://www.sgi-usa.org/study-resources/core-concepts/changing-poison-into-medicine/</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">Hope</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I met with Dr. Anna Plavick of NYU today and it was terrific.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">She is terrific.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I feel Hope for the first time is 6 long weeks.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">Exhausted. Must sleep.</span></p>
<p> </p>Kati Mactag:katimacmusic.com,2005:Post/62922332020-04-23T16:25:31-04:002022-05-19T04:10:28-04:00Behind Door Number 2.....<p><span class="font_large">Drum roll </span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">Nothing</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I was hoping the PET scan would reveal where the primary tumor is residing. But it did not.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">Wow. I was warned about this subset of cancer patients that struggle to find their primary cancer.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">This seems so unfair and rotten. It should not be allowed. That and kids getting cancer. And dogs and cats.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I do have another malignant lymph that needs treatment or surgery.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I have been told it is stage 3.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I'm not looking on the internet.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I'm going for an MRI of my brain and second opinion at NYU.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">Praying. Eating Vegan. Playing ball with my dog Loki.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">Watching Will Farrel movies with Tim.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">That's all I got.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">Any suggestions?</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I'm gonna learn from this and beat it.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">It's my 15th sober anniversary.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">It's not the usual gift but I'm sure I'll benefit from it.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">Thanks Cancer.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">Now hit the bricks!</span></p>Kati Mactag:katimacmusic.com,2005:Post/62853152020-04-17T11:03:35-04:002020-06-23T00:54:21-04:00"The Waiting Is The Hardest Part"<p><span class="font_large">Tom Petty was right, the waiting IS the hardest part. Being told you have cancer, melanoma it turns out, isn't a day at the beach but waiting to get an appointment for the test you need to find the primary tumor is worse. Waiting to see the Dr is worse. Waiting about six weeks to start treatment is worse. I'm hoping my melanoma is waiting to metastasize as politely as I am being asked to wait to get important, life saving tests.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I can't believe this is how people with a serious illness are treated. Covid is also slowing everything down.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">So frustrating.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">If you don't think we need to get rid of privatized medicine and the greedy souless insurance companies that accompany it, I invite you to sit in my seat.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">The waiting is the hardest part.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">But I will not let it take my whole day. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I got music to write and songs to sing.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">The Serenity prayer is on repeat in my head.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I love Tom Petty.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">Enjoy!</span></p>
<p>https://video.search.yahoo.com/yhs/search?fr=yhs-Lkry-SF01&hsimp=yhs-SF01&hspart=Lkry&p=The+Waiting+Is+the+hardest+part#id=2&vid=2ebec0a80112fc6fd2614849864925af&action=click</p>Kati Mactag:katimacmusic.com,2005:Post/62812712020-04-13T16:20:57-04:002022-01-20T10:28:01-05:00"Do I Have Your Attention?"<p><span class="font_large">In my dream, I am running along the shore and then into a small seaside town, like the one in "Doc Martin".</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">Someone is trying to kill me. I am running and hiding. Scared.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I wake up with a racing heart and the icky feeling that is left from dreams like it.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">In my dream, I am on the lower west side of Manhattan. I have given away my favorite dog to someone. I am desperately looking for the person and my beloved dog named Monday/Zippy Zuzu. I am filled with anxiety and self loathing at the realization that I have done something so horrifically self destructive.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I wake up with a racing heart and the icky feeling that is left from dreams like it.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large"><strong>"DO I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION?" </strong>the loud voice in my head asks again. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I'm assuming its the Universe. But, you never know.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">"Yes." I answer. I feel like I've stepped into a bear trap that I cannot escape. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">It tethers me to the upcoming series of events from which I want to run.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">So far, much to my disappointment, none of the Dr.s have suggested "Maybe if we ignore it, it will go away."</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">Gulp.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">Last Monday, a week ago, (which I gotta say feels like years ago) I ate a delicious turkey and cheese sandwich with potato chips, Baked Zitti, salad and chocolate ice cream.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I went Vegan by Friday. I could say I'm cool with this but I don't want to lie. A world without cheese. It's gonna take some getting used to. ;)</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I had a wonderful consult with Caryn Hartglass. I highly recommend her website and services to EVERYONE. Get off the animal products!</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">https://responsibleeatingandliving.com/</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I never imagined I would be pleading to get a colonoscopy or biopsy!</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I tried to set up a colonoscopy and because of the virus, May 1st is the first date I can get!</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">He explained he usually does colonoscopies three times a week but now he is doing them ONCE every TWO weeks!</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">It will also depend on what the Oncologist has to say. It might get moved up.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I tired to set up a uterine and cervical biopsy but was told to wait for the oncologist so the insurance company doesn't say no.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">Insurance Company. I'm not there yet. I can't go there quite yet.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">It's hard not to want and try to grab the wheel.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">Here's where One Day At A Time and Let Go and Let God come in very handy.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">Chanting an hour a day, too.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">www.sgi.com</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">This weeks schedule:</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">See Oncologist</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">Get More tests</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">and hopefully a specific diagnosis and treatment plan.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">My heart goes out everyone during this crazy time of Covid 19.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">But, especially to those who are ill and trying to navigate through to get treatment.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">It's an extra layer of stress.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">Please share your experience, strength, hope with me here.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">You are not alone and neither am I. ;)</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">Nam Myho Renge Kyo</span></p>Kati Mactag:katimacmusic.com,2005:Post/62786352020-04-10T13:31:40-04:002022-03-01T10:42:26-05:00The Definition of Anxiety - Waiting for an appointment with an Oncologist.<p><span class="font_large">My New definition of anxiety, long form: Waiting for a call from your oncologist, waiting for an appointment with your oncologist, trying to set up tests to find the primary source of cancer during Covid 19 when EVERYONE is not at their office.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">OMG! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH..........</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I reach my Shirley Maclaine "Give my daughter the medicine" frenzy at least once a day!</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">OK, I got all that out of my system.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">On the lighter side,</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I am so lucky to have certain AMAZING friends that are in the Cancer field that are helping guide me through this frightening time.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">Thank you Dr. Marc Demers!</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">Thank you Andrea Kittay!</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">One dietary resource I offer to everyone is</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">https://responsibleeatingandliving.com/</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I had a very detailed and helpful consult with Caryn.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">Thank You Caryn.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">Hoping to hear from other people going through this now or from cancer survivors.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">We will get through this together.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">Love to Everyone.</span></p>Kati Mactag:katimacmusic.com,2005:Post/62768292020-04-08T23:05:39-04:002020-11-26T23:42:57-05:00"Unfortunately, you have Cancer."<p><span class="font_large">I started tuning out at unfortunately because I knew what was coming. It couldn't be true. I feel too good.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I dutifully repeated the information to let my doctor know I had heard and understood what he had just said to me, to us,</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">"a secondary metastatic tumor.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">The biopsy did not reveal the source of the primary tumor.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">More tests would be necessary to find the primary source of cancer."</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large"> but I was saying the words from somewhere outside of my body. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">Somewhere removed, like a good student.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I had the feeling I see on my dogs face when we are at the vet.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">Get met out of here. I gotta run away. Now!</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I apologized to my husband. I tried to comfort him. To reassure him.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">Denial is an amazing and weird thing.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I was so sure it was nothing.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">Phone calls and texts to people close to me.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">Vowing to fight it. Vowing to beat it.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">BUT truthfully I'm scared and I dread this.</span></p>
<p><span class="font_large">I don't want this to be happening.</span></p>Kati Mac